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~ What Bravery Looks Like Today

Lisa Pote

Tag Archives: courage

The art of the “Courageous Conversation”

13 Thursday Nov 2014

Posted by Lisa Pote in Bravery, Conversation, Courage, Management

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bravery, confrontation, courage

Not -The Talk!-

Today, bravery looks like having “The Talk”.

Though I consider myself a “Brave Girl,”  I’d rather stick a fork in my eye than intentionally take on an uncomfortable conversation. But because this is a “Brave Community,” and because we can embrace our fears safely here, let’s just do it.

“The Talk” is a difficult conversation that is needed to address a problem that arises, but no one wants to talk about it. Here are some examples:

  • You’re dating someone that isn’t a good fit and you need to end the relationship.
  • Your kid is doing something that you know is harmful and you need to discuss it.
  • You have an employee that is not performing and you need to put them on notice.
  • A friend is gossiping about you behind your back and you need to talk it out.
  • You co-lead a project with someone who is not doing his/her share and you need to address it.

Do any of these situations sound familiar?  Or at least the implied discomfort?  For most of us, “The Talk” = Confrontation, and we will avoid it for as long as possible. And because inaction feels better, evasion often appears more logical, for example:

    • Saying something will create a bigger problem
    • It could put the relationship at risk
    • It isn’t necessary as the situation will probably go away on its own

Don’t those sound more logical? They might, but the truth is that we can only dodge the problem for so long.  When things feel this bad, we know that avoidance is a short term bandage when an action-based solution is called for.

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.

Yogi Berra

What situation in your own life needs addressing? What person do you need to have “The Talk” with?  If you are ready to dive in, I have  5 Tips to Ease Tough Conversations:

  • If the relationship matters, say so, at the beginning and throughout as needed. It will remind everyone that there is more at stake than the conversation alone.
  • Communicate what you want to achieve; this goal will be the ballast if things get off track and will keep you both centered.
  • Be ready for a reaction, as you’ll probably get one; it pays to think through how you can validate them without agreeing with them, and again, hold to the goal.
  • Pick a protected time and place for the conversation. Privacy is important, as is the ability to focus without distractions. TVs, cell phones off.
  • Take a deep breath, stop talking and listen.  Discomfort makes us over-talk, and these hard conversations are better when there is space for someone to react.

I call these “Courageous Conversations” for a reason.  They require bravery and a willingness to risk discomfort in favor of a greater goal.  Win or lose, just having these difficult conversations often makes us stronger… and making them happen successfully can result in all manner of positive outcomes.  Win/win/win.

If you’ve been there, I’d love to hear from you.  And if you are going to try it, let me know how it goes.  Your experiences will be a continuing contribution to our “Brave Community.”

Be brave.  Make it happen.  Have “The Talk”.

The art of taking a stand

01 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by Lisa Pote in Bravery, Courage

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bravery, courage

Thousands of people taking a stand in Hong Kong

Thousands of people taking a stand in Hong Kong

Today, bravery looks like taking a stand.

I had planned to post about another topic, but want to acknowledge the brave acts of civil disobedience in Hong Kong. When thousands of people stand for something without breaking any laws, it is impossible to ignore. It’s also a worthy lesson for all of us in bravely confronting a wrong.

If you have been following the news, you know that the growing throng is showing their dissatisfaction with the Chinese government for limiting their voting options.  This rising tide is more than a “Demonstration,” it is a “Movement,” an awe-inspiring public stand to create change. Regardless of how you feel about the political nature of this experience, I defy you to find fault in the method, or question the success in sending a powerful call to action.

A very dear friend of mine was part of the stand against the government in Tienanmin Square until a police state was enacted some 15 years ago. This tiny but fierce woman has a brilliant mind, a poet’s heart, and more courage than most. She shared about the nonviolent stand the students took, and how she experienced the threat of tanks and other violence while living in the underground tunnels beneath the Square. Watching the drama unfold in Hong Kong today, I have an appreciation of the risks being taken to further a cause.

Non-violence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man.

Mahatma Gandhi

Nonviolence as a stand against injustice was a focal point of the Civil Rights movement.  The Nashville Public Library’s Civil Rights Room offers video examples of training for nonviolent demonstrators bravely sitting at segregated lunch counters, preparing them for ridicule and possible violence they would face. The willingness of these individuals to put themselves in harms way was beyond impressive. Their commitment to change, unquestionable.

I know, these are larger than life events. What does this mean for us in our own backyards?

At this time in our lives, we know what “Wrong” looks like, and how badly it feels. We know it when we see it, and if we can see it, we can stand against it. We each have our own lines in the sand, and recognize when they have been crossed… the question is, what to do about it.

Take A Stand (1)A tender spot for me is around gossip; it is a harmful, mean-spirited act.  When I hear people gossiping about others, I will at first try to redirect the conversation.  If that does not work, I will say, “Y’all know you’re gossiping, right?”.  Yeah, I’m that girl. And it’s almost always uncomfortable for everyone involved.  But well worth it to me to take on the battle.

While confronting wrong often pits us against others (often friends, co-workers), it doesn’t matter.  When wrong is wrong, we will risk that relationship. Wading in to right the wrong, even when it’s uncomfortable, makes this a brave act.

Right now, the streets of Hong Kong are teeming with hopeful forces for change. Here at home, we can be a part of our own brave movement.  What stand have you taken? Write and tell me about your own brave acts.

Be brave. See the wrong. Take a stand.

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